The very old and wise head of my college dance department once told us to be sure to NEVER strive for perfection, because we would always fail. No one is perfect and no one can attain perfection, because ultimately we are only human.
At the time, I felt this only applied to my life in a dance studio – and I tucked the knowledge away in my brain where I keep the lessons, rules and techniques that only apply to dance. Even though I accepted my fate as a “destined to fail” human, I still fought hard to achieve almost perfection in everything else I did…until I just got SO tired!!
We all know that “perfection” is unrealistic and unhealthy, but satisfaction in what you’ve done and created is still something I strive for daily. Feeling that I’ve done my very best, or tried my hardest is something that drives me and often plagues me – especially as I traverse the often rough road of motherhood.
Now let’s add social media into the mix. You all know what I’m about to say, so lets just barely touch on that fact that seeing what others share about their lives and homes can make you feel so bad about yourself!
When I started this blog I was looking for a creative outlet for my newly pregnant non-dancer self who desperately needed a way to make something beautiful, and share something beautiful with the world. (At least that’s what I felt like I accomplished when I was dancing). I was already proud of my apartment. My 699 square feet had come so far, and sharing all my projects, mishaps, and “aha!” moments with the universe (mostly my friends and family) was so rewarding.
My story already had a beginning (though the before photos were scary to look at), a middle full of lists of projects (I’d already mostly accomplished!), and an ending I knew I was satisfied with before I even started blogging! Seeing the professional photos of our apartment for the real estate listing, was the ideal Tada! and it gave me so much confidence as I looked forward to starting the process all over in North Carolina.
As you probably remember, I proudly shared photos of our new home within weeks (possibly even DAYS!) of moving in. I was thrilled to start decorating, buying, and DIY-ing.
And then…I totally fell off the radar.
I don’t think I shared another post for at least a month. It wasn’t that I wasn’t very busily DOING things – because I was! I have a whole laundry list of projects that are already checked off. The problem I’m having this time around is that nothing quite seems “finished.”
Whereas last time I was very happy to end a post and say, “Don’t worry! It gets better!!” – this time, I didn’t exactly know how I would fix it, or when I would feel confident enough to say “It’s done!” My new posts felt like they might end with:
“So, that’s what a I did…but I still don’t love the room on the whole…dunno what to do next…hopefully I find inspiration soon…I’m kinda burnt out on this one…dont give me any suggestions…I’m too stubborn to take them because I want to discover it on my own…but really I probably need HELP!”
I guess what I’m trying to say is that, my home is FAR from perfect and it scares me. I thought I would have a better handle on things by now. I had visions, I found amazing treasures at the Goodwill, and still – ALL of my rooms feel unfinished.
My projects are still fun and fulfilling, but I’m so scared to share photos that even I look at, tilt my head, and go “meh.” In some ways, I feel like I owe you MORE! In some ways I feel like I owe you the truth. At the very least I owe you a lot of updates!!
In some ways this is my disclaimer for the posts to follow. They are NOT perfect. My home is on a journey, along with my inner decorator/designer. It will come, but satisfaction and hard work often takes time. I’m trying to be patient with myself, and I’m hoping you’ll be patient too.
After all, the internet could do with a bit more imperfection, don’t you think?!
In the true spirit of transparency, here’s a perfect example of the wonders and tortures of social media. Here’s a photo (intended for the blog) showing my latest inspiration for the little guy’s room:
Of course, this what was ACTUALLY happening while I was taking my “perfect” picture:
Little Mr. Chaos in the corner, and “What? You didn’t put this here for me to climb and destroy?!” I do love the first photo, but I’ll always giggle knowing the disaster just out of frame.
P.S. I tried to tag this post with “social media imperfection” and it auto-corrected to social media I’m Perfection. Come ON! This is exactly what I’m trying to fight here, Universe!!